How to Include Family in Your Elopement Without Losing Intimacy
September 23, 2026
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Article written by Jenn Wilde with Wilde Heart Weddings
Cover Photo: The Dropped Pin
In my initial meetings with couples, there’s often one person who lights up at the idea of writing their own vows, while the other feels completely overwhelmed by the prospect. That’s perfectly normal. Writing your wedding vows is one of the most personal parts of your wedding day. It’s a chance to put into words the promises you want to carry into your marriage.
But here’s the truth: you don’t need to be a writer, or even “good with words,” to create vowsthat are powerful and memorable. What makes your vows meaningful isn’t perfect phrasing or poetic flair;it’s honesty.
It’s the way your partner will hear your voice, speaking straight from your heart.
Of course, staring at a blank page can feel daunting. You love your partner and can’t wait to spend forever together, but how do you fit all of that into just a few lines? The hardest part is simply knowing where to begin.
That’s why I’ve gathered ten simple, approachable steps to guide you through the process. First, let your ideas flow, then bring them together into vows that feel authentic, heartfelt, and entirely your own.
Tip #1 – Take Note
Start by collecting your thoughts whenever they come. Write down everything that pops into your head about marriage and your partner. Later, you can revisit these notes and highlight the gems you want to include.
Keep a small notebook handy, or use your phone’s note-taking app. Inspiration often strikes while driving, working, or drifting off to sleep, so make it easy on yourself to capture those ideas in the moment.
Tip #2 – Remember When…
The heart of your vows begins with your love story.
Flip through photos from the early days, scroll old social media posts, or re-read texts that still make you smile. Let those memories bring your emotions to the surface.
Prompts to get you started:
This is brainstorming, not a final draft. Write freely without worrying about structure. Half of what you capture may not make it into your vows, and that’s perfectly okay.
Photo: Wilde Moon Imagery
Tip #3 – Into the Future
Your vows aren’t just about your history; they’re promises for your future. As I often say, “The promises you are about to make are lasting commitments. In that very moment, you are setting the intention for the rest of your lives together.”
Think about what your journey as a couple will look like. What do you want to create, build, and experience together?
Examples from past couples’ vows:
Balancing big, soulful promises with playful ones keeps your vows both meaningful and memorable.
Tip #4 – Find Inspiration
Stuck on words? Don’t worry, you don’t have to start from scratch. Sometimes the right words already exist, and you just need to borrow them. Inspiration can come from anywhere: music, movies, poetry, books, or even your favorite TV show. These sparks can help you find your own voice.
Love songs are a classic place to start. You might already share a “song” as a couple, or you may discover a lyric that perfectly captures your feelings. Movies and shows can also be surprisingly moving. Whether it’s a line from Game of Thrones, Grey’s Anatomy, or even a quirky animated film that always makes you both laugh.
Quotes from literature or spiritual writers can also strike the right note. A few of my favorites:
The key is to use these words as a springboard, not a script. Write down the line, then add why it resonates with you. For example: “If I know what love is, it is because of you, because you’ve taught me patience, kindness, and how to find adventure in everyday life.”
Photo: Van Gachnang Photography
Tip #5 – Make Promises
They’re called vows for a reason. Promises are the foundation of what you’re writing.
The mix of serious and playful promises makes your vows layered, memorable, and true to your relationship. Big-picture commitments show the depth of your devotion, while small promises highlight the everyday magic that makes your love unique.
Another favorite I’ve heard? “I promise to dance with you in the kitchen, even when there’s no music.”
Vary your wording, use “I vow,” “I promise,” “I pledge,” or “I will” to keep your vows from sounding repetitive.
Tip #6 – Bring It All Together
Highlight or star the lines that feel the strongest. These are often the moments of humor, tenderness, or truth that really capture your relationship. Rewrite your favorites as if you’re speaking directly to your partner. Let it feel personal, not polished.
Now it’s time to create a rough draft. A simple way to start is by choosing your opening line and your closing line, then placing the rest in between. Think of this as building a story: you’re setting the tone at the beginning, sharing your promises in the middle, and closing with a final thought that leaves your partner feeling loved and seen.
Don’t worry about perfection; this stage is about flow. You’re simply shaping your thoughts into something cohesive that sounds like you.
Photo: Amanda Matilda Photography
Tip #7 – Read, Revise, and Repeat
Once you’ve got a draft, step away. Give yourself a day or two, then come back with fresh eyes.
When you revisit, read your vows out loud. Do they sound like you? Do the words flow naturally, or do they feel stiff on your tongue? This step will help you spot anything that feels awkward or overly formal.
Look for balance. Are you sharing both heartfelt emotions and a bit of your personality? The best vows mix the serious with the lighthearted. Don’t be afraid to slip in a playful promise alongside a soulful one.
And don’t over-edit. Your partner doesn’t want perfection; they want you.
See more adventure elopement tips:
• Airbnb Elopements Explained: Rules, Tips, And Backup Location Ideas
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Tip #8 – Get Some Feedback
A trusted outside perspective can help. Share your vows with one person: your officiant (I always offer to help my couples!), a close friend, or a family member.
Choose wisely; sharing with too many people can dilute your voice and spoil the surprise. Pick someone who will cheer you on, not rewrite your words.
And remember: you don’t need to take every suggestion. Keep your authentic voice. It’s one of the things your partner loves most about you.
Photo: Matlai Photography
Tip #9 – From Draft to Forever
Your vows aren’t just words; they’re a keepsake.
Type them up, handwrite them on beautiful stationery, or tuck them into vow books. Vow books also make gorgeous photos for your wedding gallery! Some couples print them on linen cards, write them on handmade paper, or even frame them afterward to display at home.
It’s also smart to give your officiant a copy. That way, if nerves or happy tears make it hard to get through, your vows are safe.
Tip #10 – Trust Yourself (and Don’t Stress)
At the end of the day, your vows don’t need to be perfect; they just need to be yours.
Set aside time, follow these tips, and trust that the words will come. Your partner isn’t expecting Shakespeare. They just want you, in your own words, standing beside them.
Think of your vows like trail markers on your love story, simple, true, and guiding you forward. Whether whispered on a mountaintop or read in front of a hundred guests, your vows will be perfect because they reflect your heart.
Whether you’re the one who lights up at the idea of writing or the one dragging your feet, these words will become some of the most treasured promises you’ll ever make. You’ve got this.
Planning an adventure elopement, find more tips inside Adventure Wed Magazine!
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